The “Where is the Money?” #WITM survey is now live! Dive in and share your experience with funding your organizing with feminists around the world.
Learn more and take the survey
Around the world, feminist, women’s rights, and allied movements are confronting power and reimagining a politics of liberation. The contributions that fuel this work come in many forms, from financial and political resources to daily acts of resistance and survival.
AWID’s Resourcing Feminist Movements (RFM) Initiative shines a light on the current funding ecosystem, which range from self-generated models of resourcing to more formal funding streams.
Through our research and analysis, we examine how funding practices can better serve our movements. We critically explore the contradictions in “funding” social transformation, especially in the face of increasing political repression, anti-rights agendas, and rising corporate power. Above all, we build collective strategies that support thriving, robust, and resilient movements.
Create and amplify alternatives: We amplify funding practices that center activists’ own priorities and engage a diverse range of funders and activists in crafting new, dynamic models for resourcing feminist movements, particularly in the context of closing civil society space.
Build knowledge: We explore, exchange, and strengthen knowledge about how movements are attracting, organizing, and using the resources they need to accomplish meaningful change.
Advocate: We work in partnerships, such as the Count Me In! Consortium, to influence funding agendas and open space for feminist movements to be in direct dialogue to shift power and money.
Lara was a well-known and loved radio DJ on Motsweding FM in South Africa.
Lara was one of the first openly-transgender radio hosts on a mainstream station. She worked hard to shine a light on LGBTI issues.
Lara’s activism started at a young age when she would vocally defend her right to dress and behave as she felt comfortable to members of her community who didn’t yet understand what it meant to be transgender.
After assessing your organization’s capacity and research goals, you may choose to conduct a survey as one of the methods of data collection for your research analysis.
In this section:
- Why conduct a survey?
- Identify your survey population 1. Online survey 2. Paper survey
- Create your questions 1. Short and clear questions 2. Simple and universal language 3. "Closed" and "open" questions 4. Logical organization 5. Less than 20 mins 6. Simple and exciting
- Test and translate 1. Your advisors 2. Draft and test 3. Translation
- Target the right population 1. Sample size 2. Degree of participation 3. Database and contact list
A survey is an excellent way to gather information on individual organizations to capture trends at a collective level.
For example, one organization’s budget size does not tell you much about a trend in women’s rights funding, but if you know the budgets of 1,000 women’s rights organizations or even 100, you can start to form a picture of the collective state of women’s rights funding.
As you develop your survey questions, keep in mind the research framing that you developed in the previous section.
Remember: Your framing helps you determine what information you are trying to procure through your survey. The data collected from this survey should allow you to accomplish your goals, answer your key questions, and create your final products.
This is an important step – the clearer you are about which populations you want to survey, the more refined your questions will be.
Depending on your research goals, you may want to create separate surveys for women’s rights organizations, women’s funds and donors. Or you may want to focus your survey on women’s groups and collect interviews for women’s funds and donors, as a survey for each population can be resource-intensive.
The questions you ask women’s groups may be different than ones you would ask women’s funds. If you plan on surveying more than one population, we encourage you to tailor your data collection to each population.
At the same time, some key questions for each population can and should overlap in order to draw comparative analysis from the answers.
If you can reach your survey population online, it is useful and efficient to create an online survey.
We recommend two online tools, both which offer free versions:
Survey Gizmo allows you to convert your data for SPSS, a statistical software useful for advanced data analysis
Your data analyst person(s) will be the best person(s) to determine which tool is best for your survey based on staff capacity and analysis plans.
For accessibility, consider making a PDF form version of your survey that you can attach via email. This ensures organizations that have sporadic internet connections or those that pay for it by the minute can download the survey and complete it without requiring a constant online connection.
You may decide that an online approach is not sufficiently accessible or inclusive enough for your popuation.
In this case, you will need to create a paper survey and methods to reach offline populations (through popular events or through post, with pre-stamped envelopes for returning).
Make it easy for participants to complete your survey.
If the questions are confusing or require complex answers, you risk having participants leave the survey unfinished or providing answers that are unusable for your analysis.
Ensure your questions only ask for one item of information at a time.
For example:
- What is your organization’s budget this year?
Easy to answer: participant can easily locate this information for their organization, and it is only asking for one item of information.- What percentage of your budget have you identified as likely sources for funding for your organization, but are still unconfirmed?
Confusing and difficult to answer: are you asking for a list of unconfirmed funding sources or percentage of funding that is likely but unconfirmed?
This information is difficult to obtain: the respondent will have to calculate percentages, which they may not have on hand. This increases the risk that they will not complete the survey.
Many words and acronyms that are familiar to you may be unknown to survey participants, such as “resource mobilization”, “WHRD”, and “M&E”, so be sure to choose more universal language to express your questions.
If you must use industry lingo – phrases and words common to your colleagues but not widely known – then providing a definition will make your survey questions easier to understand.
Be sure to spell out any acronyms you use. For example, if you use WHRD, spell it out as “Women’s Human Rights Defenders".
Closed questions:
Only one response is possible (such as “yes,” “no” or a number). Survey participants cannot answer in their own words and they typically have to choose from predetermined categories that you created or enter in a specific number. Responses to closed questions are easier to measure collectively and are often quantitative.
Example of a closed question: What is your organization’s budget?
Open-ended questions:
These are qualitative questions that are often descriptive. Respondents answer these questions entirely in their own words. These are more suitable for interviews than surveys.
They are harder to analyze at a collective level as compared to closed-end questions, especially if your survey sample is large. However, by making open-ended questions very specific, you will make it easier to analyze the responses.
Whenever possible, design your survey questions so that participants must select from a list of options instead of offering open-ended questions. This will save a lot of data cleaning and analysis time.
Example of open-ended question: What specific challenges did you face in fundraising this year?
Familiarize yourself with different types of questions
There are several ways to ask closed-ended questions. Here are some examples you can review and determine what fits best for the type of data you want to collect:
If you plan to conduct this research at regular intervals (such as every two years), we recommend developing a baseline survey that you can repeat in order to track trends over time.
Set 1: Screening questions
Screening questions will determine the participant’s eligibility for the survey.
The online survey options we provided allow you to end the survey if respondents do not meet your eligibility criteria. Instead of completing the survey, they will be directed to a page that thanks them for their interest but explains that this survey is intended for a different type of respondent.
For example, you only want women’s rights groups in a given location to take this survey. The screening questions can determine the location of the participant and prevent respondents from other locations from continuing the survey.
Set 2: Standardized, basic demographic questions
These questions would collect data specific to the respondent, such as name and location of organization. These may overlap with your screening questions.
If resources permit, you can store these answers on a database and only ask these questions the first year an organization participates in your survey.
This way when the survey is repeated in future years, it is faster for organizations to complete the entire survey, increasing chances of completion.
Set 3: Standardized and mandatory funding questions
These questions will allow you to track income and funding sustainability. Conducted every year or every other year, this allows you to capture trends across time.
Set 4: Special issues questions
These questions account for current context. They can refer to a changing political or economic climate. They can be non-mandatory funding questions, such as attitudes towards fundraising.
For example, AWID’s 2011 WITM Global Survey asked questions on the new “women & girls” investment trend from the private sector.
The shorter, the better: your survey shouldn’t exceed 20 minutes to ensure completion and respect respondents’ time.
It is natural to get excited and carried away by all the types of questions that could be asked and all the information that could be obtained. However, long surveys will lead to fatigue and abandonment from participants or loss of connection between participants and your organization.
Every additional question in your survey will add to your analytical burden once the survey is complete.
General tips
- Ask for exact budgets instead of offering a range (in our experience, specific amounts are more useful in analysis).
- Specify currency! If necessary, ask everyone to convert their answers to the same currency or ask survey takers to clearly state the currency they are using in their financial answers.
- Ensure you collect enough demographic information on each organization to contextualize results and draw out nuanced trends.
For example, if you are analyzing WITM for a particular country, it will be useful to know what region each organization is from or at what level (rural, urban, national, local) they work in order to capture important trends such as the availability of greater funding for urban groups or specific issues.
Involving your partners from the start will allow you to build deeper relationships and ensure more inclusive, higher quality research.
They will provide feedback on your draft survey, pilot test the survey, and review your draft research analysis drawn from your survey results and other data collection.
These advisors will also publicize the survey to their audiences once it is ready for release. If you plan on having the survey in multiple languages, ensure you have partners who use those languages.
If you decide to do both survey and interviews for your data collection, your advisor-partners on your survey design can also double as interviewees for your interview data collection process.
After your survey draft is complete, test it with your partners before opening it up to your respondents. This will allow you to catch and adjust any technical glitches or confusing questions in the survey.
It will also give you a realistic idea of the time it takes to take the survey.
Once the survey is finalized and tested in your native language, it can be translated.
Be sure to test the translated versions of your survey as well. At least some of your pilot testers should be native speakers of the translated languages to ensure clarity.
Your survey sample size is the number of participants that complete your survey.
Your survey sample should reflect the qualities of the larger population you intend to analyze.
For example: you would like to analyze the millions of women’s rights groups in Valyria but you lack the time and resources to survey every single one.
Instead, you can survey only 500 of the Valyrian women’s rights groups – a sample size - to represent the qualities of all the women’s groups in the region.
Recommended sample size
Although it is not necessary to determine your exact sample size before you launch your survey, having a size in mind will allow you to determine when you have reached enough participants or whether you should extend the dates that the survey is available, in case you feel that you have not reached enough people.
Even more important than size of a sample is the degree to which all members of the target population are able to participate in a survey.
If large or important segments of the population are systematically excluded (whether due to language, accessibility, timing, database problems, internet access or another factor) it becomes impossible to accurately assess the statistical reliability of the survey data.
In our example: you need to ensure all women’s groups in Valyria had the opportunity to participate in the survey.
If a segment of women’s groups in Valyria do not use internet, and you only pull participants for your sample through online methods, then you are missing an important segment when you have your final sample, thus it is not representative of all women’s groups in Valyria.
You cannot accurately draw conclusions on your data if segments of the population are missing in your sample size; and ensuring a representative sample allows you to avoid this mistake.
To gain an idea of what the makeup of women’s groups for your area of research (region, population, issue, etc) looks like, it may be useful to look at databases.
By understanding the overall makeup of women’s groups that you plan to target, you can have an idea of what you want your sample to look like - it should be like a mini-version of the larger population.
After participants have taken your survey, you can then gauge if the resulting population you reached (your sample size) matches the makeup of the larger population. If it doesn’t match, you may then decide to do outreach to segments you believe are missing or extend the window period that your survey is open.
Do not be paralyzed if you are unsure of how representative your sample size is – do your best to spread your survey as far and wide as possible.
4. Collect and analyze your data
Samira was a Syrian activist under Bashar al-Asad's regime.
From a young age Samira opposed all forms of despotism, particularly vis-a-vis the authoritarian regime in which she lived.
Samira was kidnapped in 2013 along with three other prominent activists. She is believed to have been taken from the Center for the Documentation of Violations in Duma, in rural Damascus.
The main suspect associated with her disappearance is the Army of Islam (which denies its involvement). There has been no formal investigation of Samira’s disappearance and she has not been heard from since. Samira was committed to her country and refused to leave Syria until she felt her role in empowering women and documenting crimes was no longer necessary.
The current global economic crisis provides stark evidence that the economic policies of the last 3 decades have not been working.
The devastation that the crisis has wrought on the most vulnerable households in the Global North and Global South is a reminder that the formulation of economic policy and the realization of human rights (economic, social, political, civil and cultural) have for too long been divorced from one another. Economic policy and human rights do not have to be opposing forces, but can exist symbiotically.
Macroeconomic policies affect the operation of the economy as a whole, shaping the availability and distribution of resources. Within this context, fiscal and monetary policies are key.
These policies affect key prices such as interest and exchange rates that directly influence, among other things, the level of employment, access to affordable credit, and the housing market.
Applying a human rights framework to macroeconomic policy allows States to better comply with their obligation to respect, protect, and fulfill economic and social rights. Human rights are internationally agreed-upon universal standards. These legal norms are articulated in United Nations treaties including, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), and the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR).
Article 1 of the UDHR states that, “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.”
Although the UDHR was written about six decades ago its relevance is enduring. Many of the ideas address concerns and critical issues that people continue to face globally. Issues regarding inhuman punishment (Art. 5), discrimination (Art. 7), property ownership (Art. 17), equal pay for equal work (Art. 23/2), and access to education (Art. 26/1) are pertinent matters in countries South and North of the equator.
More specifically, States have an obligation under international law to respect, protect and fulfill human rights, including the economic and social rights of people within their jurisdiction. This is particularly relevant now given the financial crisis. In the U.S., regulation is skewed in favor of certain interests. The failure to extend government’s supervisory role in the context of social and economic change is a failure with regard to the obligation to protect human rights.
States should abide by key human rights principles to achieve economic and social rights. Some of the principles have potentially important implications for governance of financial institutions and markets, yet these possibilities have been underexplored.
Economic and social rights have a concrete institutional and legal grounding. Global declarations, international treaties, covenants, and, in a number of cases, national constitutions have incorporated aspects of the economic and social rights framework—providing an institutional infrastructure in national and international law.
Some have suggested that a consideration of global justice may not be a useful pursuit because of the institutional complexities involved. However, this does not get around that fact that global institutions already have an impact on social justice, both positive and negative.
It is useful to tease out the implications that elements of alternative frameworks have for economic governance, specifically those supported by existing institutions. Economic and social rights represent one such concrete framework. The framework is an evolving one, and ongoing discussion and deliberation is necessary to address underdeveloped areas and potential deficiencies.
This section is based on CWGL’s blog “Applying a Human Rights Framework to Macroeconomic Policies” (2012).
“Afterwards
After love the first time,
Our naked bodies and minds
A hall of mirrors,
Wholly unarmed, utterly fragile,
We lie in one another's arms
Breathing with care,
Afraid to break
These crystal figurines.” - Fahmida Riaz
Her work faced harsh criticism from conservatives, who accused her of using erotic and “pornographic” expressions in her poetic language.
Fahimida was eventually blacklisted and charged with sedition under Section 124A of the Pakistan Penal Code) during the dictatorship of Zia Ul Haq. Forced into exile in 1981, she spent almost seven years in India before returning to Pakistan.
As part of the preface to “Badan Dareeda” ('The Torn-Bodied'), a collection of poetry published in 1974, she wrote:
The brilliance of Fahmida was in defying any singular logic or categories of gender, nation, religion or culture. She refused to be put in the role of a ‘woman poet’, breaking with traditional definitions of feminine poetry and concepts and themes (ranging from political consciousness, body, culture, desire, religion, home) and knocking down inhibitions put on her gender.
“You have to understand that culture can have no essence. Cultures move, flowing into one another, forming new cultures. Culture is born this way. There is no clash of cultures.”
Fahmida authored more than 15 books on poetry and fiction including her poem ‘Taaziyati Qaraardaaden’ (‘Condolence Resolutions’) that might serve as an appropriate tribute to her life and legacy and a collection of poems (Apna Jurm To Saabit He ‘My Crime Stands Proven’) published in 1988 during her time in exile.
Fahmida Riaz was born in Meerut, India on 28 July 1946 and passed away on 21 November 2018 in Lahore, Pakistan.
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This economical model exploits nature and as it intensifies, so does the inequality between global North with their large corporations, and the global South, where resources are extracted.
Find more on our report on EXTRACTIVE INDUSTRIES
There are sustainable alternatives for the environment and women's rights.
Hevrin Khalaf was a prominent Syrian Kurdish political leader in the autonomous region of Rojava where Kurdish women are risking their lives to resist the Turkish offensive and build a feminist system.
She was Secretary-General of the Future Syria Party (FSP), a group that aimed to build bridges, reconcile different ethnic groups and work towards a “democratic, pluralistic, and decentralized Syria.”
Hevrin was a symbol of this reconciliation effort. She also worked to promote equality between women and men and was a representative for visiting journalists, aid workers, and diplomats.
Hevrin was also a civil engineer from Derik, and was one of the founders of the Foundation for Science and Free Thought in 2012.
On 12 October 2019 she was tortured and murdered by the Turkish-backed militia, Ahrar al-Sharqiya during a military operation against Syrian Democratic Forces in Rojava.
“The killing of Khalaf is a turning point in Syria’s modern history. It once again demonstrated the old Kurdish proverb “no friends but the mountains.” I will always be a friend of Khalaf and her vision of a better world.” - Ahed Al Hendi
The rising power of anti-rights actors is not happening in a vacuum. Understanding the rise of ultra-nationalism, unchecked corporate power, growing repression, and diminishing civic space is key to contextualize the anti-rights threats we face today.
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Rosa Candida Mayorga Muñoz was a Guatemalan social worker, union leader and labor rights defender. She was affectionately called Rosita and she inspired change.
In the 1980’s, Rosa became the first female member of the Executive Committee of the Union of Workers of the Institute of National Electrification (STINDE), a union she first joined to advocate for women’s labor rights. For her, this meant fighting for equal opportunities in a company where many women faced a discriminatory and violent system created by company authorities. Rosa had also suffered sexual harassment in her workplace, both by co-workers and managers. She was not to be kept quiet though.
Rosa continued fighting and was part of the effort to mould the struggle into a more specific form, that of the INDE-STINDE Collective Pact of Working conditions. This pact was a pioneer, the first in Guatemala to typify the concept of (sexual) harassment. It serves as a reference for the Guatemalan legislation on labor matters and is an encouragement for other unions.
“She had no fighting tools other than her own ideals... Many times she was intimidated, harassed to put the fight aside, but her courage generated the image of hope for grassroots unionists. Rosita created an image of respect, not only within her union, but before the authorities of the institution, before the women's movement; she was recognized as a pioneer of the trade union women's movement, in a space that had been more dominated by men.” - Maritza Velasquez, ATRAHDOM
Rosa passed away on 4 April 2018 at the age of 77.
Welcome to Crear | Résister | Transform: a festival for feminist movements!
AWID is committed to creating an online space that invites and challenges us all to operate from a place of courage, curiosity, generosity and shared responsibility.
We invite you to co-create spaces with us that are free of harassment and violence, where everyone is respected in their gender identity and expression, race, ability, class, religion, language, ethnicity, age, occupation, type of education, sexuality, body size, and physical appearance. Spaces where we recognize inequalities in our world and strive to transform them in our own interactions with each other.
This means that we are able to listen, understand and relate to each other. To feel close, in spite of it all being virtual. For this, we will make interpretation available and open channels (like chat and other tools) for you to react and share. To hear each other better, we invite you to wear headphones during the conversation. If it is possible for you , we suggest that you close your email and any other likely source of distraction while you are in the conversation.
Let us celebrate the multiple ways in which knowledge shows up in our lives. We invite you to approach the conversation with curiosity and openness to learn from others, allowing ourselves to unlearn and relearn through the exchange, as a way to start collectively building knowledge.
We are committed to holistically approaching accessibility by being mindful of different physical, language, mental and safety needs. We want a space that is welcoming of folks from various backgrounds, beliefs, abilities and experiences. We will be proactive but we also ask that you communicate your needs with us, and we will do our best within our capacity to address these needs.
We all commit individually and collectively to respect each other’s privacy and to seek people’s consent before sharing any images or content generated during the conversation that involves them.
Creating a safer, respectful and enjoyable environment for the conversations, is everybody's responsibility.
If you notice that someone is behaving in a discriminatory or offensive manner, please contact the reference person who will be indicated at the beginning of the session.
Any participants that express oppressive language or images, will be removed from the call and will not be readmitted. We will not engage with them in any way.
نرحب بالطلبات عبر مجموعة كاملة من المواضيع والتقاطعات المهمة للحركات النسوية وحركات العدالة الجندرية.
A magical experience of feminist story telling led by pan-African feminist Coumba Toure, performing in the age old tradition of West African griots.
And we gathered again
We gathered our stories our strength
our songs
our tears
our rage
our dreams
our success
our failures
And we pull them all together
In one big bowl to share
for a moon of thoughts
And we stay in touch
We shake each others minds
we caress each other souls
While our hands still are tied
And our kisses and hugs are banned
Yet we grow stronger by the hour
Weaving together our voices
Crossing the sound barriers
as we speak in tongues
We are getting louder and louder
We know about differences from others
and from each other so we are stitching our beauties into patchwork or thoughts
From our deepest learnings from our powers
Sometimes we are surrounded by terror
by confusions by dishonesty
But we wash out in the Ocean of love
We are weavers of dreams
To clothes or new world
Thread after thread
As small as we are
Like little ants building our movement
Llike little drops building our rivers
We take steps forward and steps backward
Dancing our way back to sanity
Sustain to the rhythm of our hearts keep
Beating please don't not stop
And we are here transmitter of forgotten generosity
drop after drop growing like the ocean
growing like the river flowing from our souls .
showing our strength to be the water
that will clean this world
and we are gathering again can you feel us
I would lie if I say I said I am
Ok not to see you I do miss my people
I miss your touch and
You unfiltered and unrecorded voices
I miss our whispers and our screams
Our cries of the aborted revolution
We only want to give birth to new worlds
So fight to erase the borders between us
And we gathered again
We gathered our stories our strength
our songs
our tears
our rage
our dreams
our success
our failures
And we pull them all together In one big bowl to share
For a moon of thoughts
And we stay in touch
We shake each others minds
we caress each other souls
While our hands still are tied
And our kisses and hugs are banned
Yet we grow stronger by the hour
Weaving together our voices
Crossing the sound barriers
as we speak in tongues
We are getting louder and louder
We know about differences from others
and from each other so we are stitching our beauties into patchwork or thoughts
From our deepest learnings from our powers Sometimes we are surrounded by terror by Confusions by dishonesty
But we watch out in the Ocean of love
We are weavers of dreams
To clothes or new world
Thread after thread
As small as we are like little ants building our movements
like little drops building our rivers We take steps forward and steps backward
dancing our way back to sanity
Sustain to the rhythm of our hearts
keep beating please don't not stop
And we are here transmitter of forgotten generosity
Drop after drop growing like the ocean
growing like the river flowing from our souls
showing our strength to be the water
that will clean this world
and we are gathering again can you feel us
I would lie if I I said I am Ok
not to see you
I do miss my people
I miss your touch and
You unfiltered and unrecorded voices
I miss our whispers and our screams
Our cries over the aborted revolutions
We only want to give birth to new worlds
So fight to erase the borders between us
Please don’’t stop
تصوير مريم مكيوي
ترجمة فيفيان عقيقي
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| تُعرَف أيضًا باسم “شبكة تيتا للأبحاث”. دائرة الكتابة: العصبةُ المتآمرة هي مجموعة عابرة للقوميات من الكتّاب الكويريين والنسويين الذين يتشاركون في الكتابة الجماعية والتفكير وصنع العالم. أعضاء المؤامرة هم: أحمد قيس منهزم، أحمد عوض الله، ألينا آخنباخ، باربرا ديندا، سيندي سلامة، دلال الفارس، ديباراتي سركار، فرح جلال عثمان، ج. دانييل لوثر، جان مخلوطة، لينا قليلات، حنا الطاهر، ماريا نجار، مايا بهاردواج، مادوليكا سنكار، ملاك الأكحل، ميريام عمري، نيحاريكا بانديت، نور المزيدي، رؤيا حسن، سارة البنا، سارة تونسي، شيرين شلاح، وازنة زندن، زينب أحمد. | وازنة زندن (wazina.com) أفغانية نشأت في مدينة نيويورك، يركز عملها على جمع ورواية القصص المتعلقة بالذكريات الجماعية وطقوس العبور في الشتات. بصفتها تقدم آداءات روائية غير رسمية ولا تتبع منهجية معينة، تساهم وازنة في تقديم عرض بعنوان الخروج من المختبأ: الأفعال الراديكالية المتعلقة بالحب. يعد هذا العرض آداءًا شخصيًا لسرد قصص تجسد تجربة أن يكون المرء كويريًا ومسلمًا في آن. تقدم وازنة هذا الآداء إلى جانب نظيرتها الإبداعية وأختها الروحية ترنا دلي جيادو. حاليًا، تعمل على “الإيمان: في الحب / الإيمان في الحب” الذي (يعيد) تتبع قصة علاقة والديها ونصوص الحب الموروثة من العائلة. |
الحبّ هروب في الجحيم
الحبّ أسيد يذوِّب الحانات
لكن أنت، أنا والغد
نمسك أيدينا ونتعاهد
بأنّ هذا الكفاح سوف يستمرّ
للمنشار حدّان
للبندقية ماسورتان
نحن حبالى الحرّية
نحن مؤامرة
من واجبنا الكفاح من أجل الحرّية
من واجبنا الفوز
يجب أن نحبّ بعضنا وندعم بعضنا
لا يوجد ما نخسره سوى قيودنا
«الحبّ» لأساتا شاكور
هذا هو السؤال الذي تطرحه وازنة زوندُن في مذكّراتها «بصمة حبّ». «بصمة حبّ» هو تطواف، تداخل، انحراف يَخلق (أو يعيد خلق)، عند تقاطع المقابلات والمقالات الشخصيّة، قصص عائلاتنا ورؤىً عن الحبّ والشراكة والرومانسية. بتوجيهٍ من وازنة، اجتمعت مؤامرة كتّاب الدائرة، وحاولت إعادة إنتاج هذا المُخطّط الحرفي على شكل كتابة جماعيّة، حيث تُكمِّل قصصنا وهويّاتنا الجنسية والجندرية المُختلفة بعضها البعض، وتتناقض فيما بينها. مع تداخل أصواتنا، نُكمِّل جُمَلَ بعضنا لنخلق محادثة، تذكاراً، وأجزاء من أنفسنا تتحدّث إلى الـ»نحن».
أنا من يُسمّى «حادثة سعيدة». هناك الكثير من الروايات عن الأمر – حياة عرضية، إنّما مطلوبة في الوقت نفسه. أظن أنّ هذه هي طريقتي في الحبّ، فأنا لا أقع في الحبّ فقط؛ أنا أخاطر بانزلاق يؤدّي إلى السقوط. ربّما جعلني الأمر شخصاً قدره الحبّ.
قيل لي إنني طفلة غير مرغوب فيها. لذلك كَبِرت لأصبح شخصًا بالغًا غير مرغوب فيه. أصول «بصمة حبّ» تستند إلى كوني شخص غير مرحّب به بالأساس. أنا لستُ ثمرة حبّ أو أي مشاعر سعيدة، بل ثمرة ألَم وعبء. ليس لديّ بصمة حبّ – أقلّه بهذا المعنى.
أعرف أنّ والديّ كانا في حالة حبٍّ في مرحلة ما، لكنّ الصحّة العقلية شيطان، إلى حين يواجه المرء شياطينه، لا يوجد ربح.
لن أربط أبداً «الحبّ» بوالديّ أو عائلتي. كان الحبّ الذي يكبر مليئًا بالعنف والمسؤوليّات التي لم أشترك بها ولم أكن مستعدّة لها. شعرت لوقت طويل أنّ الحياة والحبّ يدوران حول حِملٍ مُرهِق وشاقّ. بينما كان والدايْ «يحبّان بعضهما البعض»، كانت روحٌ سامّة من العنف والغيرة وانعدام الأمن تنمو أيضاً. نشأتُ وأنا أتوق إلى الاستقرار، وهذا ما أنا عليه الآن. أنا مُجازفة، لكن ليس في «مساحة الحبّ».
لا أعرف لماذا اختارت والدتي استضافة طفل (أنا) في داخلها. هي لا تحبّ بهذا الشكل.
قالت لي والدتي إنّه إذا كان عليّ التفكير في «إيجاد» الحبّ، أن لا أنظر إلى زواجها كنموذج. تأتي «بصمة حبّ» بدلاً من تربية كلب على مدار عقدين ماضيين (18 عامًا لأكون دقيقة). والعكس صحيح أيضًا – لقد ربّوني. بتّ أفهم المزيد عن الحبّ وطبقاته العديدة في صحبتهم.
لم أعرف الحبّ من «بصمة». في منزلنا لا نتحدّث عن الحبّ. كان عليّ أن أعلّم نفسي كيف أحبّ. لقد كان عملاً صعباً. ما زلت أفشل، وما زلت أحاول وأفشل كلّ يوم. ربّما الفشل هو بصمة حبّي.
بصمة حبّي هي الرعاية والدفء والفهم الذي أعطيهم للمُحيطين بي، سواء كانوا غرباء أم أصدقاء أم أقارب أم عشيقاً. بصمة حبّي سياسيّة – غير محسوبة وغير مدروسة.
وُلدتُ تحت قصف عنيف. بصمة حبّي هي بصمة سلبية عن تلك الأحداث.
أعرف ما هو ليس حبّاً أكثر ممّا أعرف الحبّ.
الحبّ ليس قلقاً ولا ذعراً.
الحبّ لا يطلب الإذن ليعيش أو يتنفّس. إنه الحبّ، ولا يوجد حبّ من دون حرّية.
كلّ ما تفعله هو استخدام قلبك من دون الحبّ. الحبّ هو أن تستخدم عقلك.
أحيانًا أخشى أن تضيع لغة حبّي في الترجمة.
--- هناك طرق عدّة
لرسم أصول
كيف
وكيف لا
تحبّ
الحبّ
ليس حبّاً
الحبّ كافٍ فقط
الحبّ بعيد جدّاً
بعض الحبّ
بعض الخسارة
لتحبّ
لتحبّ الخسارة ---
لا أستطيع تحمّل فكرة الزوجين. لا يمكنني تحمّل فكرة العيش بمفردي أثناء الشيخوخة أيضًا. لقد سئمتُ من القيام بالأعمال المنزلية بمفردي، والانتقال من منزل إلى آخر بمفردي، ودفع الإيجار والفواتير بمفردي... أتخيّل إصابتي بجلطة دماغية وأنا بمفردي، وهذا يخيفني. ليس لديّ خطّة «شراكة». أريد عالمًا يمكنني فيه الزواج من صديق، وشراء منزل مع صديق، وعدم ممارسة الجنس.
أن نحبّ كثيرين لا يفسد الحبّ المُشترك بين شخصين. سواء كان الحبّ رومانسيًا أم لا فهذا ليس مهمّاً حقًا.
عندما أفكّر في علاقاتي الرديئة، أُدرك أنني مُرتبطة بعلاقة تدرّبتُ لأكون فيها. مع كلّ «راديكاليّتي» لم أتخلّص بعد من الأعراف الجندرية القذرة.
حاجتي إلى الاستقرار «ليست جذّرية» بما فيه الكفاية. أريد الخروج من هذه الوصمة. أريد شيئًا لم أحصل عليه من قبل. أريد أن أجعله جم
--- بصمة حبّ – أحبّ شمّ الكتب لمعرفة مكان طباعتها
أحاول التفكير في أصل فهمي وممارستي الحبّ
هل نحتاج إلى أصول، فهو ليس مثل النقاء؟ لا طهارة ولا أصل للحبّ.
لماذا يتبادر الفهم والممارسة إلى الذهن وليس «العاطفة»؟ ---
عندما أتّصل بوالدَيْ، لا أغلق الهاتف بعد قول الوداع، لكي أتمكّن من سماع أصوات المنزل.
أثناء دفني وفق طقوس المذهب السنّي، أريد أن يجتمع كلّ الرجال والنساء معاً. لا أفهم سبب عدم القدرة على توديع الموتى من جنس مختلف؟ سوف تكون مراسم دفني وفق الطقوس السنّية لأن والدتي قد ترغب بذلك. سوف يكون دفني صديقاً للبيئة. لا حاجة لوضع شاهد فوق قبري. أنا أحبّ كلّ طقوس الدفن. القرآن جيّد، لكنّي أريد موسيقى أيضًا. أحبّ أسمهان جدّاً، وأم كلثوم، وذا ستون روزيز.s.
لديّ قائمة تشغيل من الاثنين إلى الجمعة، وقائمتان مختلفتان لعطلة نهاية الأسبوع: واحدة ليوم السبت والأخرى ليوم الأحد. أودّ ممّن يحبّوني أن يشغّلوا الموسيقى التي كنت أستمع إليها مع الالتزام بقوائم الأيّام – هناك هامش حرّية في اختيار الأغاني طالما يلتزمون بقوائم التشغيل.
أريد أن أكون مُحاطة بمن أحبّني، ولو للحظة. مع الموسيقى والأزهار المقطوفة. لا أريد أن يشعروا بغيابي. أريد أن أموت على وقع ضحكات من أحبّهم.
أريد أن يتذكّروني كشخص يحبّ.
لست بحاجة للشعور بالحبّ في الموت. أريد ممّن حولي أن يشعروا بأنني أحبّبتهم، حتّى بعد موتي. أن تكون محبوبًا في الموت هو أمر مُرتبط بمَن لا يزالون على قيد الحياة. لذلك أفكّّر أكثر في كيفيّة لقائنا معًا كمجتمع حيّ ومحبّ في موت مَن نحبّهم ونعيش معهم. كيف نأخذ ذكرياتهم معنا. كيف نصبح أرشيفاً لحياتهم.
--- في بعض الأحيان يمكنك أن تحبّ الناس في موتهم فقط --
عليّ التفكير في الجسد المُتّصل بمساحة. عائلتي صغيرة جدًا، وعلى الرغم من أننا نأتي من أماكن مختلفة، لكن يبدو كما لو أن كلّ جيل انتقل إلى مكانٍ جديد. ربّما هذا هو سبب عدم ارتباط الموت بمكان خاص: مقبرة. من الشائع في عائلتنا دفن الموتى من دون أسماء أو شواهد قبور، أو ترك الرماد يتحرّر بتطايره مع الريح. أشعر بسلام إذا كان ذكري مُنفصلاً عن المكان. مجرّد التفكير بأن رمادي يُخصّب حياة جديدة، وأنّه يتمّ ذكري في أوقات التسلية والفرح، يعطيني إحساسًا بأنني محبوبة. توفّيت جدّتي في وقت سابق من هذا العام بسبب مضاعفات اللقاح. بعد ساعتين من وفاتها، جلست عائلتي تضحك على نكاتها، وطريقتها المُضحكة في سرد القصص. ضحكنا وشعرنا بالحبّ وكأنّها تجلس معنا مرّة أخرى. هذا ما قد يجعلني أشعر بسلام – تخصيب التراب، وتخصيب الأحاديث، والتذكّر الجماعي.
--- هناك
شارعان أسلكهما
للمشي
للهرب
للّعب
للبقاء
هناك
خمس ساعات تكون أشعة الشمس
حادّة
السماء زرقاء
الأرض خضراء
هناك
زهرة أستطيع
شمّها
لمسها
عصرها
واقتلاعها
هناك
أصدقاء أستطيع
ضمّهم
طعام
أستطيع
ابتلاعه
لغة
تخرج
عبر شفتيّ
ربّما لا يزال هناك
أماكن عدّة
وأشياء
وناس
من بعدي ---
ربّما يكفيني وعد بـ»الاحتفاء بذكري مكانياً» كما لو أنني نبتة يجري الاعتناء بها حتّى تصبح شجرة. لا إسم ولا لوحات تعريفيّة – النبتة/ الشجرة فقط مع عِلمٍ مُسبق بأنّه سوف يتمّ الاعتناء بها. بالنسبة لجسدي، أريد أن أُحرَق من دون أي طقوس، وأن يُرمى رمادي في بحر العرب.
أريد أن يتمّ التعامل مع جسدي بشكل تخريبي كما لو أنّه على قيد الحياة.
لا أريد أن أدفن إلى جانب عائلتي. في هذا الدُرج الصغير إلى جانب كلّ الأشخاص الذين لم يعرفوني أبدًا. محاصرة بالموت كما كنت في الحياة. أريد أن أُحرَق، وأن يتمّ تحرير رمادي أخيراً.
أريد أن يُسمح لي بالمرور، لا الوقوف ما بين بين، لكي يكون ذلك وجوداً، عملية نشطة، تجاوز.
سأطلب منكم:
أريد أن يتذكّروني من خلال الحبّ الذي تركته. أريد التخلّي عن جسدي وأعضائي لتغذية الحبّ في حياة أو حياوات أخرى.
--- رائحة الياسمين ---
This journal edition in partnership with Kohl: a Journal for Body and Gender Research, will explore feminist solutions, proposals and realities for transforming our current world, our bodies and our sexualities.
نصدر النسخة هذه من المجلة بالشراكة مع «كحل: مجلة لأبحاث الجسد والجندر»، وسنستكشف عبرها الحلول والاقتراحات وأنواع الواقع النسوية لتغيير عالمنا الحالي وكذلك أجسادنا وجنسانياتنا.